you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
