I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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