Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
