Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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