Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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