I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
