What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
