I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize