I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
