Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Randomize
