But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
