the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
where are you?
Hypothermia
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Randomize
