Screwed.edu
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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