i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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