All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
