u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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