just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
