The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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