seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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