yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
