my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize