SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
