and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
