So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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