I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Randomize
