It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Randomize
