so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
