we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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