i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
