John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
