This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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