meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
