I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
