I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
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