I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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