She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He better not be in your backpack
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
