he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
