i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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