You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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