i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
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