Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You need Xanax blowdarts
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
