you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
