after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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