i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
