can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
