you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
