I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
