wrigley field is MILF paradise
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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