I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
it's like iHOP with fire
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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