im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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