I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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