have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
