did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
