So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
