So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
