You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i dont even know how to be here
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
