Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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