Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
