I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
