i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
