the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Randomize
