Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
