That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Randomize
