I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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