So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
