I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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