I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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