i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
