hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
