just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
