PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
So vagazzling was a success
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
