grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
