well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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