I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He shit in the fireplace
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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