my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
This baby is an asshole
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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