O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
