do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
When did angry sex become our thing?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
