so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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