I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
