wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
