My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
