I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
